dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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