Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize