I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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