Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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