Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
