So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
