It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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