forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
