At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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