I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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