What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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