final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
