Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you will always have a special place in my vag
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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