God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
