Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
