she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
