4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
