she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
