beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
