just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
