8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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