I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He? As in you personified your dick?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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