this just has baby written all over it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Randomize
