shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
