I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
