yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize