i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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