babies were throwing up all over the place
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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