OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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