there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
