Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
