JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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