I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
