all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
