Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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