are you still at the devil's house?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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