did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
