he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
