I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
