I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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