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• (914): View more from New York

  this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Becoming a productive member of society?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Sam. Come on.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  someone needs to name a hurricane after you

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• (941): View more from Florida

  That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up

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• (631): View more from New York

  I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic

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