i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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