Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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