I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
