check it out our google latitudes are spooning
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ttyl tear gas
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize