If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
