Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
