my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
