I CAN MOONWALK!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
