I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
