She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
