I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
