Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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