He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
