So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
