The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
