i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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