So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
