i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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