i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
