last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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