dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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