Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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