True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
