we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
