The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
