my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
