i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
