I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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