I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
