I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
