This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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