Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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