from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
