I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
