Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
