just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
