who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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