I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
